Imagine you’re embarking on a river rafting journey. In calm, shallow stretches, you’ll face rough rapids and sharp bends. To navigate these turbulent waters, prepare for the unexpected challenges that lie ahead. You must create a detailed plan, use the appropriate equipment, and remain flexible. This will help you overcome obstacles and move forward despite the difficulties. With the right mindset, you’re ready to handle whatever the river brings your way.
You might seek advice from seasoned rafters as you prepare for your journey. Or, you could rely on trusted companions for support along the way. You’ll bring an extra life jacket or opt for a sturdier raft. With the right prep and resources, you’ll succeed. You’ll overcome the obstacles of your river adventure. You’ll gain confidence and courage.
What is resilience?
Life may not provide a clear roadmap. But, we all face unexpected turns. These range from daily struggles to life-altering events. These events include losing a loved one, a serious illness, or an accident. These experiences have a unique impact on everyone. They stir up a mix of emotions, thoughts, and doubts. Despite these challenges, most people adapt and recover over time. Their resilience helps them.
Psychologists define resilience as the ability to adapt to tough times. This includes trauma and stress from relationships, health, and work. Resilience is often seen as the ability to “bounce back” from hardship. It also allows for meaningful personal growth.
Adverse events, like rough waters, are tough and painful. But they don’t have to define your life’s path. There are many areas of your life that you can shape, control, and grow from. This is where resilience comes in. Building resilience helps you overcome tough situations. It also enables personal growth and a chance to improve your life.
What resilience isn’t.
Resilience doesn’t mean avoiding difficulty or emotional pain. Those who have faced great adversity or trauma often suffer. They endure intense stress and emotional struggles. In fact, building resilience often means facing tough emotions.
Some factors may make some people seem more resilient. But, resilience isn’t an exclusive personality trait. In reality, resilience is a set of learnable behaviors, thoughts, and actions. This ability to develop resilience is why research shows it to be a common, not rare, quality. One example is how many Americans rebuilt their lives after 9/11.
Building resilience, much like strengthening a muscle, requires time and deliberate effort. Focusing on connection, wellness, positive thinking, and meaning can help. It will improve your ability to face and grow from challenges. Incorporating these strategies will help you develop greater resilience to navigate life’s difficulties.
Strengthen your relationships.
Focus on relationships. Connecting with empathetic, supportive people can reassure you. You are not alone in facing challenges. Surround yourself with trustworthy people. They should understand and affirm your feelings. Their support will help you become more resilient.
Traumatic events can cause some to withdraw. But, it’s crucial to accept help from those who care about you. Whether it’s a date night with your spouse or lunch with a friend, rank connecting with those who care for you.
Join a group. Many people find support, too, in local groups, faith communities, or civic organizations. These connections can help restore a sense of hope and purpose. Explore local groups for support and positivity in tough times.
Nurture your well-being.
Caring for your body is essential for mental health and resilience. Self-care may seem trendy. But, it is vital for managing stress. It affects both the body and mind. Healthy habits can help your body cope with stress. Proper nutrition, sleep, hydration, and exercise can reduce anxiety and depression.
Embrace mindfulness to restore hope and strengthen connections. Try journaling, yoga, meditation, or prayer. These practices can help you prepare for challenges that test your resilience. In them, focus on the positives in your life. Be grateful, even in tough times.
Avoid negative coping mechanisms like alcohol or drugs. They only mask deeper issues, and only for a short time. Instead, support your body with healthy resources to manage stress. Don’t try to escape or numb it.
Find purpose
Help others. Volunteering at a shelter or supporting a friend can help. These acts boost your self-worth and connections. They give you a purpose and let you help others. All this builds resilience.
Be proactive. It’s important to accept your emotions during tough times. But self-reflection is just as valuable. Ask yourself, “What can I do to address this problem?” If it feels overwhelming, break it down into smaller, more manageable steps.
If you lose your job, you can’t change your boss’s decision. But you can take steps like improving your skills or updating your résumé. Action will remind you that, even in tough times, you can find purpose and stay motivated. This will help you overcome future challenges.
Move toward your goals. Set realistic goals and take regular actions, no matter how small, to move toward what you want to achieve. Rather than fixating on overwhelming tasks, ask yourself, “What’s one thing I can do today to help me move forward?” If you’re grieving a loved one, try a local support group. It could help.
Look for opportunities for self-discovery. Many people discover personal growth after facing challenges. After a tragedy, people often find stronger bonds with others. They feel a deeper inner strength, despite some vulnerability. This can lead to an enhanced sense of self-worth and a greater appreciation for life.
Embrace healthy thoughts.
- Keep things in perspective. Your mindset shapes your feelings and your resilience in challenges. Recognize irrational thoughts, like catastrophizing or feeling that the world is against you. Shift to a more balanced view. If a situation feels overwhelming, remember it doesn’t control your future. You are not powerless. While you may not control the event, you can control how you interpret and respond to it.
- Accept change. Recognize that change is an inevitable part of life. Adverse situations may block your goals. But accepting the unchangeable lets you focus on what you can control.
- Maintain a hopeful outlook. It’s tough to stay positive when life is hard. But an optimistic mindset helps you believe good things are possible. Focus on envisioning what you want, rather than dwelling on your fears. As you face challenges, notice any small improvements in your mood. They can signal progress.
- Learn from your past. Thinking about what helped you in the past can provide insight. It can guide you in facing new challenges. Recall your strengths. Use the lessons from them to guide you.
Five science-backed strategies to build resilience.
When my mentor recently passed away, I felt devastated. I avoided any thoughts of it. I didn’t even share my grief with my family. I hoped to keep those painful emotions at bay.
In other words, I chose to act as if it hadn’t happened. This was as ineffective as typical reactions. They are: getting angry, pushing people away, blaming myself, and dwelling on the pain.
Even for those who are emotionally aware, struggles can still catch us off guard. But finding healthy ways to cope with tough times can help. Researchers call this resilience. It can help us handle challenges better and recover faster.
1. Change the narrative.
When something bad happens, we often replay it in our minds, experiencing the pain again. We call this rumination—a mental loop that keeps us stuck and prevents healing and growth.
Expressive Writing can help us by providing new views on our challenges. This practice involves writing for 20 minutes without restrictions about an issue. It means exploring your deepest thoughts and feelings. The aim is to express your emotions on paper, not to craft a polished piece of writing.
A 1988 study found that expressive writing improved health and happiness. After four days of writing, participants were healthier after six weeks. They were happier for up to three months, compared to those who wrote about trivial topics. Writing helps us organize and confront our thoughts. This can lead to new insights. By doing this, we create our own life narrative and gain a sense of control.
After reflecting on the tough parts of an experience, it can help to consider its positives. The “Finding Silver Linings” practice asks you to recall an upsetting event. Then, find three positive outcomes from it. A disagreement with a friend might have raised important issues. It could have helped you understand their perspective better.
A 2014 study found that three weeks of daily practice made participants more engaged and less pessimistic. This benefit was especially strong for pessimists, who also reported feeling less depressed. The effects faded after two months. So, maintaining a positive outlook requires regular practice.
2. Face your fears
The practices are useful for reflecting on past struggles. With time, we now have enough distance for clarity. But what about the intense fears we’re facing in the present moment?
The Overcoming a Fear practice helps with common fears. These include a fear of public speaking, heights, and flying. We can’t reason away these fears. We must confront them by facing the emotions they bring up.
Begin by slowly exposing yourself to what scares you. Start with small, manageable steps. For example, if you fear public speaking, start by speaking up in meetings. Then, try giving a toast at a small event. Increase the difficulty in stages. Then, tackle bigger challenges, like a major speech or interview.
A 2010 study demonstrated this process in a lab setting. Researchers shocked participants every time they saw a blue square. This made them fear it like an arachnophobe fears a spider. Later, they saw the blue square without the shock. Their fear, measured by skin sweat, gradually faded.
This type of exposure therapy helps rewire our associations with a feared stimulus. After many safe flights, our brain and body learn that it’s safe. The fear may not vanish. But, we become more able to face it with confidence.
3. Practice self-compassion.
I’ve always struggled with flying. So, it was reassuring when a friend shared an article he wrote about his fears and tips. Fear and adversity often make us feel isolated, leaving us to wonder why we’re the only ones feeling this way. In tough times, self-compassion can help. Everyone faces challenges. It is a kinder, more effective way to heal.
Self-compassion means treating ourselves with warmth and kindness in tough times, without judgment. A study found that an eight-week Mindful Self-Compassion program helped participants. They reported higher mindfulness and life satisfaction. They also had less depression, anxiety, and stress. These benefits even lasted for up to a year.
The Self-Compassion Break is a simple practice. Use it when you’re overwhelmed by pain or stress. It involves three steps, each reflecting the core elements of self-compassion.
- Be mindful: Acknowledge your feelings without judgment or overthinking. You might say, “This is a moment of suffering,” “This hurts,” or “This is stress.”
- Remember, you’re not alone. Everyone has tough emotions for different reasons. You can say, “Suffering is a part of life” or “We all experience this.” This recognizes our shared struggles.
- Be kind to yourself. Place your hands on your heart. Then, say: “May I offer myself compassion,” “May I accept myself as I am,” or “May I be patient.””
If you find it difficult to be kind to yourself, try the exercise How Would You Treat a Friend? This means comparing your response to your struggles with how you would support a friend. It often reveals surprising insights. It prompts, “Why am I so hard on myself? What would change if I weren’t?”
To grow kinder to ourselves, we should write a Self-Compassionate Letter. This will help us stick to this gentle approach. This exercise involves 15 minutes. Write kind words to yourself about a struggle. For example, feeling shy or not spending enough time with your children. In the letter, acknowledge that everyone faces challenges. You bear some responsibility, but not all it. Consider ways to improve going forward.
4. Meditate
Mindfulness experts remind us that our most painful thoughts focus on the past or the future. They are about regretting what went wrong or worrying about what might happen. Yet, when we stop and focus on the present moment, we often realize that things are actually okay.
Mindfulness keeps us in the present. It helps us manage negative emotions as they arise. This lets us confront feelings like fear and anger. We should be more intentional, not overwhelmed by them.
The eight-week Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program is well-studied. It uses meditation to help people cope with challenges. Research shows that MBSR has many benefits. It helps both the general public and those with mental illness or chronic conditions.
A particularly effective meditation for calming negative thoughts is the Body Scan. In this practice, you focus on each part of your body from head to toe, releasing any tension you find. Strong emotions often show in physical ways. They can cause a tight chest or a knotted stomach. Relaxing the body can help ease those feelings.
A study found that the Body Scan improved well-being and reduced stress. By tuning in to our bodies and emotions, we can make healthier choices. We can also trust our instincts when something feels off. Or, avoid commitments that lead to burnout.
When stress hits, healthy habits like good eating often fall away. We may reach for sweets when feeling emotional or choose fast food when pressed for time. Practicing mindfulness, like the Raisin Meditation, can change our relationship with food.
This exercise encourages you to eat a raisin with full attention. Before you eat, observe its texture, color, and smell. Place it on your tongue, roll it around, and chew, taking your time to savor each bite. Notice your urge to swallow and how it moves down your throat. Through this practice, you may gain a new perspective on food and mindfulness.
A simple meditation to incorporate throughout the day is mindful breathing. This practice focuses on the sensations of breathing. Notice the air entering your nostrils. Feel your chest expand and your stomach rise and fall. If your mind drifts, bring your focus back with a gentle effort. You can do it as a full 15-minute session or take a few breaths during stressful moments.
A study found that mindful breathing helped reduce negative emotions. Those who practiced it before seeing disturbing images, like spiders and car crashes, were less upset than those who didn’t. Negative thoughts can overwhelm us. Focusing on the breath helps calm the mind. It is a steady anchor.
5. Cultivate forgiveness
If a grudge is weighing you down, forgive. Research shows it can improve your mental and physical health. When you’re ready, embracing forgiveness can be a transformative experience.
Both Nine Steps to Forgiveness and Eight Essentials When Forgiving provide helpful guidelines. Start by acknowledging the events. Reflect on your emotions. Consider their impact on your life now. Next, you commit to forgiveness. This means letting go of resentment for your own well-being. It does not mean reconciling with or excusing the other person. Lastly, find a positive lesson in it. Recognize your needs or gain empathy for others’ struggles.
If you can’t forgive, try the Letting Go of Anger through Compassion exercise. It may help. In five minutes, focus on generating compassion for the person who hurt you. They are human, too, capable of mistakes, growth, and healing. Be mindful of your thoughts and feelings. Notice any resistance that arises.
Still unsure if this is the right approach? Researchers compared it to alternatives, like dwelling on or suppressing negative emotions. They found that practicing compassion increased empathy and positivity. It also gave a sense of control. These are outcomes every person deserves, regardless of how about those who hurt us.
Life brings stress in many forms—adversity, trauma, fear, shame, or betrayal. The 12 practices help you tackle today’s challenges. They also prepare you for future ones. With practice, you’ll build resilience tools, like a mental safety net. They will help you in tough times. Knowing you’ve strengthened these skills can bring comfort and happiness.
10 tips for building resilience in children and teens
Helping children and teens build resilience is key to navigating challenges with confidence. Encouraging supportive relationships, emotional awareness, and problem-solving skills equips them to handle adversity. Simple actions, like open communication and praise, can greatly impact their growth.
1. Make connections.
Encourage your child to connect with their peers. It will build skills like empathy and active listening. Help them build connections through in-person interactions, phone calls, video chats, or texts. Also, a strong family network is vital. It provides social support and builds resilience.
2. Help your child by having him or her help others.
Children who feel powerless can gain a sense of empowerment by helping others. Encourage them to do age-appropriate volunteer work or tasks they can handle. At school, find ways to support classmates or younger students. This will boost their confidence and sense of contribution.
3. Maintain a daily routine
Children, especially younger ones, find comfort in routines and structure. Help your child create a daily routine that balances schoolwork and play. During stressful times or transitions, we may need some flexibility. But for their stability, consistency is key.
4. Take a break.
While some anxiety can encourage positive actions, it’s important to confront all feelings. Teach your child to focus on what they can control. Also, guide them in challenging unrealistic thoughts. Ask them to consider the worst-case scenario. What advice would they give a friend in a similar situation? Be mindful of troubling content they may encounter in the news or online. Despite school, it’s important to include free time for creativity.
5. Teach your child self-care.
Teach your child the value of self-care. This includes eating well, exercising, and getting enough sleep. Make time for fun and enjoyable activities. These moments of self-care help them stay balanced and manage stress.
6. Move toward your goals.
Encourage your child to set realistic goals. Then, have them take small steps to achieve them. This helps build focus and resilience when facing challenges. At school, break large tasks into steps for younger kids. For older ones, celebrate progress toward bigger goals.
7. Nurture a positive self-view.
Remind your child of times they’ve faced tough situations. Those experiences build the strength to face future challenges. Encourage them to trust their ability to solve problems and make good decisions. In school, help them recognize how their achievements benefit the entire class.
8. Keep things in perspective and maintain a hopeful outlook.
When your child faces pain, help them see a bigger picture. Encourage them to think about the future. They may be too young to see a long-term view. But help them to know that better days are ahead. A positive outlook can help them focus on the good in life, even during tough times. At school, use history. It shows that life goes on after tough times. Hardships are temporary.
9. Look for opportunities for self-discovery.
Challenging times often teach children the most about themselves. Encourage your child to see how their struggles show their strength. In school, discuss what students have learned from overcoming tough times.
10. Accept change.
Change can be intimidating for children and teens. Help them see it’s a natural part of life. New goals can replace those that are now impossible. Encourage them to focus on what’s going well and create a plan for what isn’t. In school, show how students grow as they advance through grades. Discuss the positive impact of these changes.
Faqs
What is the definition of resilience?
Resilience is the ability to adapt and recover from tough times. It means keeping a healthy mind despite challenges. It allows people to recover from tough times and learn from their experiences.
What does “resilient” mean?
Resilience is the skill to cope with challenges and setbacks. It means a person’s ability to endure hardships and manage stress. It means emerging stronger from tough situations.
How can I build resilience in children?
To build resilience in children, encourage them to talk about their feelings. Help them set achievable goals. Promote their problem-solving skills. Teach them to recognize and celebrate their accomplishments. Fostering supportive relationships and offering chances for independence also help. These things build resilience.
What are some ways to improve resilience?
To improve resilience, practice mindfulness. Maintain good health through nutritious food and regular exercise. Build strong social connections. A positive outlook and learning from the past can boost resilience. They can help individuals cope with future challenges.
Conclusion
In conclusion, we must build resilience in kids. It helps them face life’s challenges with confidence. Parents and educators can help young people thrive. They should: support them, encourage open communication, and teach coping strategies. Self-care, goal-setting, and reflection are vital. They will build resilience and a positive outlook on life. Nurturing resilience helps children face tough times, adapt to change, and grow stronger. It prepares them for whatever life may bring.
